Today, at work, a customer came in, he was new to our dealership and I was friendly, as I always am. We talked for a while – about our kids and stuff related to his purchase, as I was getting the stuff ready for his sale. We joked and laughed as we went through the paperwork.
At one point he leaned in nearer to me, close enough to make the counter creak under his weight, and asked me if I’d be interested in going to [his city] visit him. I gently explained that my husband wouldn’t be a fan of that. He rebutted that he wouldn’t tell anyone if I didn’t.
By this time I was uncomfortable. I was hoping it would end there. I was sure it would end once I shrugged off his rebuttal.
I was wrong.
During the course of the sale, he had decided on a few accessories and I joked that I’d make him a deal he couldn’t refuse. He looked right into my eyes and said that there was only one thing he wouldn’t refuse.
He persisted. He tried to explain that he was a lot of fun to be around, with a wink. Followed by rocking the sales counter – making it creak. I’m sure you get the idea. He continued, stating “I can lick my eyebrows and breathe from my ears” – trying to brag about his ability to give oral sex.
I hung my head. I was being objectified. I was shocked.
When I didn’t respond he continued. “This is turning you on, I can tell”
My face turned red and I was thankful for my long hair to cover my face as I continued to hang my head. This was one of the few times in my life I truly didn’t know what to say.
My coworkers were busy with their own customers and I felt like I had no voice to ask for help. I was struggling to make sense of what had just happened.
As I did my best to finalize the sale with him he continued– he had cash on him and every time I reached for it he’d pretend to stick it down the front of his pants.
When he finally left I didn’t know what to do. I went for a walk. I tried deep breathing. I kicked the side of the building. I screamed into my sleeve. I sent Kevin a text message. I briefly explained what happened. He implored me to tell my coworkers about this guy and promised me that it wasn’t my fault – that there wasn’t anything I did to deserve this treatment. Kevin promised me we would discuss further at home.
Once I got home to my husband, a man who would never make me feel that way, I lost it. I burst into tears and sobbed into his chest. I had to try to explain to my 5 & 3 year olds what happened, in a way that they’d understand, why their mother was crying. I settled on telling them that someone said something to me that was inappropriate and it hurt my feelings. The both hugged me and rubbed my back while I composed myself. That sucked.
From there, Kevin gave me a few options on what to do next time something like this happens. Tears welled up as I explained to him how unfair it was that we even had to have this discussion. He agreed wholeheartedly.
I’m angry that this happened to me. I’m angry that he felt this was appropriate. I’m angry with myself for blaming myself – I beat myself up because I wore shorts to work today, for being too friendly; as if those were the triggers. I’m angry that I didn’t handle the situation better. I’m angry that I gave that gigantic piece of shit has so much power over me. I’m angry that he violated me. I’m just so fucking angry.
Somedays you just lose a little faith in humanity.